This is the second in a series of at least eight videos under the title, "Run Toward That Which Scares You."
Why in the hell did I do it? I kind of mentioned it a little bit in the last video about just being done with everything and wanting to take off. What got me to that point?
What gets you to that point?
Have you ever been so humiliated that it just utterly devastated you? Well it did me, and I wouldn't talk about it for years...until just last month when I went to a workshop by the Ford Institute called The Shadow Process. You may remember the blog post I wrote about that experience. If not, click the button below to read my post about uncovering the shadow of Humiliation while at that workshop:
I've been called brave. I've been called courageous, and there are some aspects of that that I'll own...I stuck it out through that storm. I could have gotten saved from the Coast Guard when they came to visit me, but I didn't. I chose to keep going. But the real reason is: I was a coward.
Why was I a coward?
Here it goes...
I was in a relationship at the time, or so I thought. It was kind of complicated...one of those. Can you relate? (I kind of go off on that subject in a video I shot while I was at sea which I will discuss in a later video...you'll laugh out loud.) It crushed me [and I take full responsibility for my own emotional responses]. My ego took over immediately with my human voice speaking loudly to all I would see with phrases like...
"I don't care! F*** her! Whatever. I'm going to go off on this adventure."
So, I took off on an adventure into the unknown, doing the scariest thing possible that I could think of at the time. It's kind of a pattern with me, and it might be a pattern with you.
This was back in 2010. In 2003, I was fired from my profession. I spent six years of my life going to architecture school at Carnegie Mellon University. Graduated at the top of my class, or one of the tops of my class...anyway, I had an honors cord. I get out there and I'm working. I'm hating it. Just absolutely freaking hating it. I own that now, but I didn't back then. I was taking my anger out on my family. I was taking it out on the people that I worked with. I was taking it out on the few friends that I had, because I was a jerk.
One day they called me into the office...
"Dude, your attitude sucks. You do good work, but you're an asshole. So you're fired." Boom. See ya.
Humiliation, but was I going to admit to it? Hell no. I was going to bury that crap down because "I'm a tough guy." "I'm a male, blah, blah, blah..."
Humiliation is a trigger. That last one, that relationship that went south? I didn't know how to deal with it. I wouldn't deal with it. Thus, the cowardliness in me. Instead of facing it head on and admitting it, what do I do? I ran. I ran into the absolute scariest thing I could possibly think of at the time in order for my ego to prove something.
Yes. I've always wanted to go on an adventure, and I'm passionate about that. I still am. I'm an adventurous type, but
the thing is, guys and gals, we got to be careful about why we do things.
I meditate now. I learned Primordial Sound Meditation through the Chopra Institute, and I've discovered the Divinity with me. We all have access to it. I've discovered my purpose. We can all discover it. I've known it my entire life, but I've been fighting it my entire life. Perhaps you have?
Humiliation happens. Anger happens. All these different emotions happen, and they're fine. They're cool. We're supposed to go feel them.
You can't discover what bravery is and what courage is unless you're a coward at some point.
Through the whole process, especially while alone at sea, what I learned was this:
Pushing feelings down...pushing hurt down...burying it and acting like a tough guy while putting on that facade of, "I'm okay. I'm fine. I've got to let it go."
No. Don't let it go. Let it out. There is a difference.
Letting go is releasing through a process, not burying out of frustration and denial. Let it rise to the surface. Deal with it. Own it. Meditate about it. Talk to people about it.
If you do talk to somebody about it and they say, "I don't want to hear that crap. Just let it go man." That's not the kind of person that you want to talk with.
The kind of person that you want to talk with is like-minded and feels the same emotion you do, or maybe has gone through something similar to what that you have. Then you can help each other out and heal.
The old-world paradigm is...
"Don't wear your emotions on your sleeve. Don't let other people see you sweat. You can't let people see you blah, blah, blah... "
Bullshit! I talked about it in the last video. You let stuff out. As long as you don't hurt anybody including yourself, it's okay. If you need to go into a closet and scream your head off, then go into a closet and scream your head off. If you need to jump in a sailboat like I did and be alone for seventeen days at sea and figure shit out, then by all means, do it. But you don't have to go that extreme.
Here's what you do...
Again, you talk to people about it. You talk to yourself about it. Learn meditation. I cannot tell you in just a few words what meditation has done for me. I mean, thank God I found it. Those seventeen days that I spent at sea alone was a seventeen day meditation. Just like the Shadow Process Workshop was...a very deep dive into the soul.
You know, it amazes me that I kept that crap buried for so long. No wonder I'd get tweaked easy. And there's the key. If you listen to other people who tell you to bury that crap down, from time to time it's going to erupt. Yeah, you let it out a little bit, but you still don't deal with that thing, because you quickly push it back down. You can't see it. You buried it. You're denying it.
You can figure it out when you go inside, admit it and release it in a loving way. You can find it like I did. I realized that underneath all of it was something that I would not admit to myself because I was embarrassed. I don't mind talking about it now because I want to help you.
I guarantee you that you're dealing with some form of humiliation right now. There is something that you're thinking about right now that embarrassed the crap out of you and you're humiliated because of it. It's okay. It is totally okay. We're all
human. We're all the same. We all feel humiliation from time to time. We all get pissed off from time to time. We all feel happy from time to time. We all feel everything, because we're supposed to. As humans, we are supposed to go through
all of this and grow, but you won't grow if you don't admit it.
There are meditation worksheets on my website right now. Download them. They're free. You can print out as many copies as you want. I don't care. E-mail them. I don't care. It says "copyright" on it, but I'm telling you right now, any worksheet that you download from me, you can have it. You can spread it around. Give me credit if you want to. I don't care. I just want to help people.
I'm filming the series because of all of the wonderful comments and questions I have received for my lesson on the 2016 Hay House World Summit with the same title. As of the date of this post, my lesson on the Summit is running live right now with over 100 comments. My mind is blown. I have personally read and responded to each one of them and will continue to do so until the Summit closes on May 26, 2016. This experience with Hay House is extremely humbling.
In the next video, I'll tell ya how it felt to be alone at sea. I know you'll be able to relate because we have all been alone at some point in our lives.
Until next time, remember...
DISCOVER WHAT YOUR SOUL WANTS...
TELL YOUR EGO TO SIT BACK and WATCH.
The 2016 Hay House Summit which I referred to in the video is going on right now with everything for FREE until May 26, 2016...then ya gotta pay for it, so you may as well check it out now. K?
Click any of the images below and you'll go straight to Hay House and none of my opt-in stuff.